


Slow Motion Suicide

by Aris



Series: Poetic Nonsense [10]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, M/M, Multi, Poetic nonsense©
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-05
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-24 06:24:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2571401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aris/pseuds/Aris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Looks like the devils here to stay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slow Motion Suicide

**Author's Note:**

> I found this in my tumblr drafts. From what I can guess, it was inspired by [THIS](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1DSvgw7KZ0) song, or [THIS song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYbfzqiZGTc). Probably? Lots of lyric drops.
> 
> I refuse to be ashamed of how pretentious everything is

“You’re made of 99.99% of empty space. Nothing. Like space. An atom is 99.99% empty; Neutrons, Protons and Electrons don’t take up a lot of space. You’re empty Tony, empty inside. Everything is.”

Tony glances towards the lost soul occupying the corner of his room and wonders what possibly could have happened to the world to let a boy like this come to be. Loki hunches in on himself, eyes trained on a drop of rain sliding down the window as if it could possibly make up for the void that was existence. He looks so small, a skeleton with haunted eyes and a voice like a question, ever present and evasive.

“It’s something the world has to deal with, Loki.” Tony says softly, moving his eyes from his broken friend. Loki doesn’t reply and Tony doesn’t talk.

Silence stretches.

“I have to get home. He’ll be wondering where I am.”

Loki leaves, and Tony’s not sure which bit was the lie.

▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒

It’s cold and Loki isn’t sure who he is.

He sits, vertebrates digging into the wall behind him, outside his house. He thinks of it as his house, at least, in a way someone would observe a bench they had sat upon as theirs for the endurance of their stay. Loki pulls his sleeves tighter and draws a cigarette to his mouth; taking a slow drag while green eyes narrow in bliss. He doesn’t want to choke on his lungs, but it’s hard not to wish for death when every rib feels like a brand harshly pressed against him.

Loki won’t smile when at six am the woman next door will hobble past, scruffy dog trailing behind her. He won’t answer when Tony calls and he definitely won’t respond to the baritone voice calling from inside the walls. Loki doesn’t want to hear the excuse this time anymore than he did any of the others times. He wants to be left alone.

For a world so empty, he feels like he is drowning.

▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒

“Why didn’t you come over?”

Tony looks worried and Loki wishes he could care. He really does. Instead he brushes past and gets a tinge of misplaced satisfaction at the hurt blooming in Tony’s eyes.

“Loki, you can’t keep letting him do this, you can’t-”

Loki’s through the school doors when the sound of the bell drowns out Tony’s words.

He doesn’t want to hear it.

▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒

The next time the bells rings, Loki is in the bathroom, bent over the toilet and wiping blood from his dry lips. It started half way through English Lit, the blood. He coughed painfully and the paper in front of him became covered in delicate droplets of red, spreading like ink across the line page. The girl next to him made a small exclamation at the sight but he was out the door, offending paper clenched in hand, before she could draw any notice.

_Looks like the devils here to stay._

Loki slumps backwards, eyes boring into his hands. _There’s blood on my hands._ He feels vaguely like Lady Macbeth as a smile pushed widely onto his face, blood stretching with skin across thin cheeks. He thinks he’s punctured a lung. He hopes he’s punctured a lung.

At least they couldn’t say it was suicide.

▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒

No, no, no.

Loki is not his mother and Loki will not let himself die.

No, no, no.

His hands clasp the edge of the sink, and this time he’s not staring. He’s pushing and he staggers sideways, reaching for the door and only just gripping the handle. It swings open too violently and Loki is almost dragged along with it to the wall. He grits his teeth and doesn’t think about the blood that started from his t-shirt half an hour ago.

He doesn’t.

Loki staggers through the doorway and steadies himself on the wall just outside, smearing blood onto pastel yellow. The wall feels rough under his palm, and Loki wonders when he started only being able to focus on one thing. His eyes blur as he takes another step and Loki feels sickly stupid.

Seventeen and dead. He doesn’t want that, not at all.

Panic rises in his throat and a boa constrictor of pain tightens around his thorax. Loki stifles a groan, feeling his hand slip slightly on the wall. It’s slick to the touch, now, and he vaguely registers it being his own blood.

“Loki? Loki!”

Warm hands, Tony’s familiar brown eyes wide with worry.

“I was looking for you - What happened – Loki? Is that blood; Loki?”

▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒

“We’re not letting this one slide, Loki. Fuck, where is everyone?”

▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒

“… He’s bleeding, Kieran, move.”Loki’s eyes flicker open and Kieran’s face splits into a sadistic grin.

“We don’t need faggots like him around here, Walker.” Tony stiffens and Loki feels it accurately as a spike of pain through his lung. The intake of breath that follows doesn't help and Kieran’s and Tony’s words start to fade with his vision.

“… might be dying, Jesus, have some…”

Kieran’s laugh and then Tony’s blood, dripping down onto Loki’s face from where it’s running down from Tony’s nose. Tony sees Loki’s eyes and smiles a bruise, but Loki’s not quite sure what that means yet so he smiles one back.

He can’t taste the blood in his mouth anymore.

▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒

Do you know the components of the air you breathe?

It’s killing you.


End file.
